Anything but Dreams Read online



  Anything but Dreams

  selected poems

  by

  Eric Nixon

  Copyright 2004, 2011 Eric Nixon. All rights reserved.

  Cover by Eric Nixon

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, please return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This book is dedicated to the memory of my father.

  He would have been proud beyond words to read this.

  Introduction (2011)

  Hello and welcome!

  What you have here, in your hot little ebook reader (or, on your computer screen if you’re into that) is a whole lot of me; my emotions, my hopes, my fears, and everything in between. Yikes! I don’t even know you!

  From 2002 to 2004, I had experienced a range of extremes as my life was radically changed by way of a divorce and the subsequent rediscovery of who I really am. During those two years I poured my thoughts and feelings into my poetry, and ended up writing over 700 poems, 102 of them are in this book (I don’t know how I ended up with that number, it just happened that way).

  While I am normally a fairly quiet, and very private person, I’ve found that there’s a certain amount of freedom that can be found with baring your soul to the world. To that end, I have republished this collection, which has often been described as, “Poems for people who don’t like poetry.” I did some very light editing, fixing typos, and general tidying up with this newer edition. Otherwise everything is the same as it was back when I first published this book.

  I sincerely thank you, and hope you enjoy the book.

  Eric

  P.S. I’ll most likely be putting together a second poetry collection in the coming months. Go to EricNixon.net for information and updates.

  Some handy-dandy notes from the author (2004)

  Thank you for purchasing my first poetry collection!

  I’ve broken this collection of poetry down into chapters based loosely on the subject matter. I was originally thinking about releasing a series of books, each one full of one type of poem. Then I got to thinking that most people would probably not want to read a book full of nothing but depressing poetry, so I decided to mix it up and instead put you on an emotional rollercoaster. Here are the categories…

  Happy - the happier ones (pretty obvious).

  Cautious - these aren’t happy, but they also don’t fit in the sad section. Most of these tend to have some sort of cautionary theme.

  Hurt - the bum-you-out poems that’ll tug at your emotional sleeves.

  Off - weird, strange, odd and messed up ditties that are a bit “off.”

  On – the oh-so sexy ones.

  Out - nature poems that take place in the out-of-doors.

  The book is laid out so you’ll get a few happy poems, then a few cautious ones, then maybe a stretch of the sad ones, then some of the sexy, another section of happy poems, and so on. The six categories repeat throughout the book so you will get a well-rounded experience.

  Each poem is dated and the location is noted. For the most part, they were all written in Manchester, New Hampshire, but a few were written in other places like Atlanta, Seattle, or San Francisco.

  At the bottom of most poems are the notes I wrote about each one. I started doing this a while ago after looking back at some of my older poems and wondering, “Wow, what was I thinking when I wrote that?” The notes give me a way to remember what I was thinking, and gives you an insight (although, sometimes weird) into what goes on in my mind. I’ve left them all in, untouched, with the exception that I removed any names that were lurking around.

  Once again, thank you, and enjoy!

  Eric

  Contents

  Happy

  Everything Else Is Secondary

  Delve Into the Unknown

  Footprint

  Thirty

  Made the Same of You

  Cautious

  Cautionary Tales

  Part of the Peripheral

  Perpendicular Happiness

  Scraps of Paper

  …And They Were Released

  Red Hats Now In Stock

  Down the Dyslexic Slope

  Kissed By Someone in My Dreams

  Debris

  Rinse Repeat

  Rainy Sunday

  Conversation in the Round

  Here There Are No Answers

  Rearview Mirror

  Hurt

  Under The Bar

  Edges of Everything

  Division

  Auto-Pilot

  By Her Countless Paintings

  Flood in the Desert

  Off

  Glow Star Stickers on the Ceiling

  Bad Lazy Font

  Down One of These Streets

  Touristy Intentions

  Footprints on the Fiber

  Observation Cookies

  Panty-Less Protest

  Indie Anna

  Perfect Loaf

  Blurry Until the Frames

  Leaving the Lasting Happy

  Pumpkin Ale

  Quotes Speak Volumes

  Mere Words

  Hearse on Fire

  Keeping It G

  On

  Catalyst

  Appetizers for the Entrée

  Eyes Closed

  Nameless Face

  Of Your Wonderful Perfection

  Forever Affected

  Delicious as A Whisper

  Out

  Ratty Blanket

  Autumn Is Faster

  Astute Frostian Observations

  Streaky With Contrails

  Hush

  Happy

  Only Good Things Can Come Of This

  Happily Ignoring

  Eggers Can Wait

  Save That Wish

  After Living A Lemon Life

  Going Mad With Smiles

  Seatbelting

  Reason

  Heart and Fingers

  Closing My Eyes

  Appreciate Perfection

  Cautious

  Concerns Voiced

  Riding the Red Line

  Dandelion

  Massholes Heading North

  Fresh Linen

  Dent in the Guardrail

  Continually Constant

  Mass Corona Injection

  Romantically Drowning

  Delayed Waylaid

  Inaction

  Realistically Realize

  Rockwell State Of Things

  Replayed

  Missing The Friend

  Imagination Destroyed

  Putting On Wet Clothes

  Just How I Pictured It

  Early Morning Angels

  Anything But Dreams

  Hurt

  A Victim Of That Left Turn

  Core Dump

  Gardenia

  Cars Blur By

  Off

  Lunch Lady On The Prowl

  Picnic For One

  Light Abrasion

  Fiona

  Epiphanal Pockets

  Wide Mahogany Frame

  Rumpus On The Floor

  Peripheral Element

  Successful Regifting

  Shy Day

  Rumble Strip

  Glimmers Like Gold

  Five Hours In Seattle

  Tried And Sampled

  About the Author

  Other Works by Eric Nixon

  Happy

  Everything Else Is Secondary

  I don’t bel
ieve in resolutions

  New Years or United Nations

  Since they’re made to be

  Broken and or ignored

  All I know is I need to make

  Some kind of radical change

  Something needs to change

  Sometime sooner than now

  The hard part’s already begun

  Now I just need to keep up

  Four days into the New Year

  The date is merely coincidental

  Four days of doing it right

  And I’m smiling like mental

  Happy with the knowing

  That I’m actually getting

  Things accomplished

  I’m newly refreshed

  From being out west

  I’ve set out to conquer

  My two main goals

  First and foremost

  And hey

  Everything else is secondary

  January 4, 2004

  Manchester, NH

  They’re not resolutions, they’re goals. I think the term “resolutions” has a negative connotation, especially since no one ever keeps them. I did once in 2003. I made a steadfast resolution to swear more, and I was surprised how easy it was to succeed.

  Delve Into the Unknown

  Surrounded in

  Submerging into

  Happily drowning

  In all that surrounds me

  In all the cherishable things

  That life has picked

  That life has thrown

  So happily

  So politely

  At me at this time

  At this point

  In my life

  In my newfound life

  Swirling in

  Twisting into

  Turning with

  Enjoying all

  Every moment

  It’s all so wonderful

  It’s all so precious

  So much worth

  The price of admission

  Yes I’ve been there

  To amazingly wonderful

  Places that people want

  To visit their entire lives

  And never get the chance

  Yes I’ve done that

  Participated in the things

  That most people only

  Dare to dream about

  In their wildest fantasies

  And still I want more

  Because there’s still more

  More that I dream of

  More that I need to see

  More that I want to do

  More that I have to experience

  So much more than I can

  Ever expect to comprehend

  And I’ll fill this vessel

  That I’ve been given

  Fill it until it overflows

  With the sights the sounds

  With the sum of my experiences

  And then some

  Because we are not here

  Just to work and slave away

  Over a dead end job

  Over the secondary things

  That bog us down in life

  Because you know that

  I have cherished and loved

  What I’ve been given

  What I’ve been lucky enough

  To experience in my years here

  To the point that if today

  I should somehow stop

  And lie down once and for all

  That my last thought won’t be

  That of lamenting the passing

  Of my soul and my being

  But instead I’ll be happy

  With what I’ve been able to

  Accomplish and see and do

  In the short time I’ve been given

  And know that I have truly liven

  My life to no one’s rules but my own

  And I’ll enter into the next phase

  With a wondrous smile on my face

  As I delve into the unknown

  Knowing that I’ll finally be

  Experiencing what comes next

  And you can bet that I’ll hold tight

  Everything I’ve felt from this life

  Hold it dearly close

  Place my trust above

  And fall backwards

  Into the unknown

  And just like everything

  I’ve ever done in my life

  You can be sure it’ll be done

  With a smile

  July 15, 2003

  Manchester, NH

  Kind of odd, but when I started this one, I had one single word in my head, “delve.” That’s it. I picked it up and ran with it from there. I also have to say, the entire time I wrote this, I listened to nothing but the song “Never” by Think Of England. I think what I’m listening to has the biggest influence on my writings. If I had been listening to a different song at the time, I’m convinced that this poem would have turned out much differently. Just the fate of the random function on my mp3 player, I guess.

  Footprint

  For too long I thought

  I was too young

  To make a difference

  In anything

  Now I look around

  Now I realize that

  I'm past my prime

  And feel like I'm in

  The clearance bin

  But I stopped short

  Of saying I'm too old

  Knowing age has no

  Bearing on the size

  Of the footprint

  You leave on society

  I'm putting on my shoes

  The big ones

  And I'm ready to go

  For a nice long walk

  November 22. 2003

  Andover, MA

  I entered this in my palm pilot just before I went to bed last night. I was watching something on TV and it made me feel kind of like once you hit 30 years old and if you haven’t made your mark on life by now, you never will. Then I realized that was just crazy talk.

  Thirty

  Starting today

  I won’t be able to trust myself

  Because those damn hippies

  Said way back when

  Never to trust

  Never believe

  Anyone over my age

  And yet here I am

  More than a number

  More like my age

  I think it adequately reflects

  Who and where I am

  I’ve never been more trusting

  Of me and my abilities

  Walking the wafer lines

  Between finding myself

  And diving deep in love

  And working my career

  But still I make it all work

  While retaining undeniable

  Overwhelming happiness

  I’m not going to lie

  A part of me still yearns to be

  A third younger and still in college

  And live in blissful naivety

  But the rest of me

  Wants to be nowhere but here

  Joyful and content

  Where I am

  I’m thankful for my past

  And what it has given me

  But the past is back there

  And I always want to be

  Somewhere up where

  I never could have imagined

  Being, seeing, doing

  Constantly striving

  To improve and make new

  Myself and who I am

  To give back where I can

  Taking it all in, in my view

  To see

  To experience

  To capture

  Everything out there

  Determined to make it all

  Part of the growing

  And livingly rich tapestry

  That’s been the first thirty

  I know where I’ve been

  I know where I want to go

  Don’t worry - I’ll send you a postcard

  April 30, 2004

/>   Manchester, NH

  A lot of emphasis has been put on turning thirty over the years, with the one that sticks out most in my mind is seeing protest signs from the 60’s that say, “Don’t trust anyone over 30.” I think I might have missed something somewhere, but I didn’t feel any less trusting of myself on my birthday. For that matter, I didn’t feel any different at all.

  Made the Same of You

  You sent me a letter

  Just when I needed

  To hear from a dear

  Friend the most

  Not just an email

  But an honest to goodness

  Real here in my hands

  Something that you

  Took the time

  And the thought

  To sit down and write

  Kind of letter

  Making me feel like

  The most special person

  Who ever existed

  Which immediately

  Made the same of you

  January 7, 2004

  Manchester, NH

  I wrote the first half of this in Bay Point, California. Every night I was there, I would sit up with my headphones on and listen to my mp3 player while I wrote down ideas in my Palm Pilot. No true events inspired this poem, but it’s still such a wonderful thing to think about.

  Cautious

  Cautionary Tales

  Living life leads to loss

  Or so it can often go

  I just throw them out

  And you can take them in

  Mull them over, think and

  See if you can relate at all

  To some or all of these

  Course grains of sand

  These cautionary tales

  I’m sure you can

  Since we’ve all been

  The sometimes victim

  Once or more in our lives

  November 19, 2003

  Manchester, NH

  Tonight I got the brainy idea to look into publishing my poems as several e-books. That got me thinking that I need to create a web site. While working in Publisher, I got to thinking about cover art for each of the e-books I want to make. I was staring at the picture I took of my friend Kimberly holding up the orange flag when her husband fell into the water while waterskiing and got the idea to separate the e-books into different genres. One of them was full of loss and divorce type poems. One was filled with happier stuff. One chock-full of messed up stuff, etc. I wanted to call the loss one Cautionary Tales and realized that I had to write a poem with that name, so this is it.

  Part of the Peripheral

  Part of the peripheral

  Instead of part of the solution

  Always on the fringes

  Living on the side of it all

  Happily observing

  Staying out of everything

  Part of the peripheral

  So easily forgotten

  Sadly, no one knew

  Anything about you

  Always the one

  Never having any fun

  Part of the peripheral